Culture Shock: The Real Deal

Hello all! So I know I just finished posting about my short study tour, but I think it's time to dedicate another post to talking about Danish culture. We have obviously been talking about it a lot in my Danish Language and Culture class and I have had many a discussion with my host family about it.
Danish justice: Denmark has two different kinds of prisons: open and closed prison. Open prison is for people who committ minor crimes, according to my host dad. Essentially, I believe they are allowed to leave (but they don't). They refuse to call where the prisoners sleep "cells"; they are rooms. And they are essentially dorm rooms! They don't have to wear jumpsuits: they wear their own clothes. They have nice TV's in their rooms. I believe the only thing they don't allow is a cell phone. I am a little fuzzy on the closed prison system, other than knowing that they are not allowed to leave. The Danes don't believe in PUNISHMENT for crimes, but instead implement a REEDUCATION system. Basically, I think their punishment is loss of freedom and shame that they have failed the system that has always supported them. The highest sentence you can get in Denmark is 16 years. 16 years! Even for murder! Rape is a very short sentence (1-2 years). I know they kind of get around this for serious crimes by claiming the offenders insane and throwing them in a sanatarium kind of thing. For example, there was a guy who killed four or five police officers in a bank robbery gone bad over 40 years ago, and he will never get out. Yet he is not without benefits. Our Danish teacher said that he has a girlfriend and they had a child together, so he is entitled to vacation here. So for 3 weeks out of the year he goes to a summer home which is guarded by prison guards. Can you BELIEVE that? I think most of the students were infuriated, and asked the teacher if people were angry that they had to pay this kind of money for someone who is not benefiting the system and who has killed, but she said no! People here just believe he is entitled to it as a human being! Other students (well, I should include myself here) were furious at the short imprisonment times. One kid pointed out that if he had a daughter who was raped he would just kill the guy knowing he would only get 16 years in prison, and what the hell? He might even get TV and three weeks vacation every year. Yet somehow the system workds for them. They have a pretty low rate of readmittance among prisoners, and I think the repeats are either part of the Hell's Angels or have immigrated here.
Parenting: Danes fully believe in equality, and that applies to kids too. Parents do NOT baby-talk their kids. I have observed many a parent chatting with their 2 year olds in the exact same manner as they would another adult. They fully negotiate with their children, and their kids don't hide anything from them because of this. My Danish teacher explained that boyfriends/girlfriends might start sleeping over at each other's houses at 16/17. When her son did, they would walk by his room in the morning, and if there was an extra pair of shoes in the morning, they would make an extra breakfast, drive the girl home, etc. What?! She insisted that she was not a cool parent, that that is just the way it is here. We informed her that she would be a VERY cool parent in the US. Also, Danes don't believe in physical punishment. They don't smack their kids or spank them or anything like that. If a parent even takes their arm and shakes it in a public place, someone will say, "Why don't I hold them down so you can beat them with both hands?" in order to embarrass them. And they never tell them to mind their own business! My Danish teacher said that her son once was screaming and crying in a grocery store and the only thing she could do was take him by the foot and drag him along! So strange.
Danish mentality: The Danes are very modest. They never brag or speak of their achievements. A show-off has no place in Danish society. There is a set of rules called something like Jendalan or something like that which basically says "You are nothing, do not think you are better than us, do not think you are smarter than us" etc. which they use whenever someone is being cocky. I have to say, I really believe this is rubbing off on me because even more than before I cannot stand it when people in class make a point of showing just how smart they are. The Danes also seem to think they are better than all other Europeans. They think Swedes are cold and stupid, that people from southern Europe are unpredictable and tempramental (what my host father calls the "Latin mentality"), etc. The Danes basically have a tribe mentality. They stay in small social groups and they don't really believe in branching out beyond that. They also have this concept called "hygge". I can't even begin to describe it because, though they try to translate it to "cozy", there just isn't an English word for it. It is highly individualized, but it usually involves lots of time and candles (I've come to the conclusion that Danes are all pyromaniacs). For me, for example, hygge happens when you are having a nice dinner with your friends and family and you are eating by candlelight and you are laughing and talking and having a great time. But for someone else hygge might be when they are curled up on the couch with a down comforter, reading a book by candlelight (there just always have to be candles everywhere...there are candles at every table of every restaurant in Denmark, no joke). Essentially, I think hygge is everything that you love that makes you happy and comfortable without a whole lot of effort. You can't force hygge...it has to just happen.
A transportation rant: HERE is where I hate Denmark a little bit. At least for today. Last night I spent the night at Joey's house because my host family was busy and I needed to eat somewhere else for dinner. Joey's parents said it was fine for me to come over, but by the time I finished dinner I was exhausted and didn't want to make the journey home (well over an hour door to door), so I just stayed the night. So, Denmark is divided into zones. I have certain zones on my transportation pass, and two of those zones I have to travel through to get to Joey's house are not on it. No big deal. I had this thing called a klip card which you punch in the train station and gives you 2 zones of traveling. So it was really bent up and wouldn't work so I went up to the office and changed it in a for a new one. Still didn't work, even when Danes tried it for me. But I figured if they asked I could just show it to them and explain the situation and ask them to validate it on the train or just take the pass. Now, I wasn't super concerned, because I believe out of the nearly 5 weeks I have been here I might have been checked four times total. And I ride the train at least twice a day almost every day. HOWEVER, they checked this morning. The woman coming around was not sympathetic. Not even a little. I told her she could take my klip card, which would actually benefit the state because I only needed one clip and there were three left on that card, meaning I would have paid for four zones and not actually used it. She didn't care at all, and she wrote me up. Guess how much that fine is? 750 KRONER!!! That's $140 USD!!! I went to DIS and talked to them about it, and they said there was no reason for that kind of behavior and that I may be able to get it dropped if I complain. They said I shouldn't be held responsible if their equipment is not working properly, so I have to go and complain now, but I am so afraid I will have to pay it, because I definitely can't afford to pay that money. DIS said they are normally understanding, but that this woman apparently was having a bad day and was taking it out on me. Of course. That is just my luck. So I will have to let you know how my fight with Movia/DSB/whatever it is goes.
Anyway, I am totally exhausted and think I am going to take a nap. Godt aften!